I Don't Know

If you haven’t ever met me… I don’t know is one of the most common phrases uttered from my mouth. A lot of the time I just don’t care or don’t know the answer. It also happens to be one of the most useless things people say on a regular basis. If you ask a question and somebody responds like that, you have gained no useful knowledge almost guaranteed. If you ever don’t know the answer, make up something funny (but not believable… that might end poorly) or try and find something useful to say (that’s not an order, just a suggestion).

How's College?

I find the question: “How’s college?” very irksome. It’s very difficult to describe how college is going… so most of the time I just end up saying “good" or something like that. I’m not sure if people understand, but college is kind of a huge thing that can’t be discussed with a single question. It takes many many different questions for you to adequately know how my college experience is. That’s why from now on, I plan on responding: If you’re there or you’ve been, you should know; if you’re going to go, get excited and you’ll find out soon enough; and if you aren’t going and haven’t been, you missed out.

One in every four Americans has appeared on television.

Rigged Sports

I was recently watching the Stanley cup playoffs and the LeBron deal and my dad said something that made me reconsider sports as I know them. I’ve known for some time now that pro wrestling is fake (if you didn’t, sorry to ruin it for you). Every time I happen to see it, I can see them stomp their feet every time they “hit” their opponent. And I think Hulk Hogan said (on Hogan Knows Best) something like: in the beginning I was just a bad guy so they (the proverbial they, in this case, the powers that be of wrestling, which are humans (interested in getting the best TV ratings and crowds at the “matches” (plays)), no there aren’t wrestling gods) made me lose, but then the fans started to love me, so they started to make me win more. Even more evidence (as if that wasn’t enough) is that I saw a wrestler actually get a little hurt (on TV, I would never go to one of those things) and I could tell that he was hurt and so could the other wrestler. I could actually see when the other wrestler bent over to ask the guy if he was ok… it was pretty funny. But now for my revelation… what’s to say that all sports aren’t rigged. Maybe that’s why the top three free agents all went to the same team, because somebody already knows everything that’s going to happen in basketball because they are saying what happens. Maybe that’s why nobody has had a no loss season since the Dolphins. Perhaps somebody is behind all of the curtains…

Trees

I would just like to point out how cool trees are. AWESOME! Love them (that’s a command). But really, they’re really cool. Exhibit C: Christmas trees. But they’re cooler than just flashy lights and nice decorations. Trees provide one of the most crucial elements of most animal's survival (oxygen) while simultaneously taking away one of the gasses that causes global warming (which I have more to say about but now is not the time and by the way, the gas is carbon dioxide). Furthermore, mosquitoes like carbon dioxide, so going near trees should help keep them away and trees can be good shelter from rain (good, not great). And beyond that, some trees are amazingly large and some trees have had to adapt to their conditions in crazy amazing ways and even the internal structure of trees is awesome. And plant cells have cell walls which are super cool. Trees rule!

Auto Lawn Mower

I’m guessing most of you have seen the commercials for the automated vacuum cleaner that has a sensor on it so it just travels around your house cleaning and avoiding things it’s supposed to not hit. I think people should make a lawn mower version. Not only would it discourage illegal immigration (joke) but it would also make my life easier. I feel like there is one flaw with this whole plan though (no, not that it would travel off your property, I have ideas for that) which is that I doubt that the sensor thing works all that well, so it’s probably a bad idea to attach blades to something that is roaming around your lawn in random directions, just waiting to cut somebody’s toe off or de-tail your dog. Not good.

The Dentist

I hate going to the dentist. Not because I don’t like the pain (which sucks and always happens) and not because my dentist is a really mean person, but because every single dentist in the world will make sure you know how terrible of a job you did cleaning your teeth. I’m never good enough for them, it’s almost like a competition, me vs. dentist, and I never win. It’s like, hey I’m sorry, I brushed 8 times a day and flossed 4 and I had a broken arm so I couldn’t exactly reach everywhere, but I asked one of my friends to help me… is that plaque that I see? Gosh darn it… I lose again. But really, I tried to tell the dentist I broke my arm and I couldn’t floss and they were still telling me I was doing something wrong… I’m sorry, how about you floss when your elbow is fixed at a right angle.

Special Thread

A couple things for those of you who don't quite keep up with my blog like I do... first you should probably go back and look at my toy dogs section, some information has been added that I would like people to know about. Also, I had this thought in high school at my prom... and it's still good...

Somebody should make glow in the dark thread (somebody probably already has…) and start making a lot of clothing with said thread. It would be so cool. If you had just a black shirt that completely transformed in the night… awesome. Also, to go with it, blacklight thread. Furthermore, once this has become somewhat of a popular idea, I think some high school teacher should utilize the thread while supervising prom. How funny would it be if you saw this super ornate thread pattern in the back of somebody’s tux that said “Come get some” and it was a teacher… hilarious.

Biker Gangs

I mean no disrespect or hard feelings but I think there is something wrong with biker gangs… for starters, it is highly inefficient to drive large packs of people around on one or two person vehicles, not to mention far less safe (for the people riding the bike) in crashes (and probably dangerous for the person that crashed into the person on the bike… retribution from the rest of the bikers…). Furthermore, the style in which they traverse around is a little contradictory to the image that I think they’re trying to give out. What would you think if you saw a bunch of sweating leather clad men together… one of those crazy sex gatherings? Perhaps…