Tired

I recently realized that if you’re tired enough, any sound or sight makes you sleepy. In high school, every once in a while, my K.W. (gym) class would go to the wrestling room which was full of nice cushy mats and we would have a relaxation class. The teacher would turn the lights off and play a tape. The tape always had this soothing voice that told you to relax and go to sleep. Obviously these little sessions would relax me and make me a little tired. I recently found that if you’re tired enough, any voice or sound can perform the exact same function as what I just described. Weird, I know.

Careless Teachers

Apparently some teachers are fairly careless and don’t really care if other people see their tests before people actually get the test. My Spanish teacher told me that on several occasions she has gone into the foreign languages library and found a test open on a computer screen. She always closes the test and quits out, but what if a student were to find a test like this. I’m sure some people (with lower moral standards than me) would take said test and print it out. If they were in the class, they could use the test to their advantage directly and get a good grade (hopefully a perfect grade) on their test. If said student wasn’t in the class, they could sell the test to the class. Now there are two ways to go about this: they could sell the test individually to each person and every person would have to pay. The down sides of this would be that maybe not everybody would pay for it and one person could pay for it and copy it for everybody else and undercut the original seller. The other option would be to contact the class and sell it to them in bulk, i.e. sell the entire class one copy for a steep price. Then each class member that wants to see the test would pay to one person and that person would distribute them all at once. The down side of that would be that the price might be too high and the kids in the class that were goody two shoes would be able to tattle. Not that I’ve thought about this extensively, I would just close the test like my teacher does.

Hanging Coats

There is a certain art to hanging up coats and shirts and other things of that sort. It’s not just a run of the mill day to day activity; it takes some real talent to pull it off well. I’m sure you’ve seen a hang up job that somebody absolutely butchered: coats all over the floor, hangers everywhere, maybe even a couple coats stacked on each other, and then the one coat that has about a foot of space on either side of it on the best hanger in the room (in other words, the culprit). It takes skill to hang a coat well. You have to find a hanger, then if you have a hat and gloves, put them in the coat, and put the coat on the hanger so that it doesn’t fall off, find a spot that’s easy to access, isn’t overcrowded, and where you’ll be able to find it later, then you have to actually hang the coat up (and for me, that includes minimal skin contact with the coats near it). Clearly, a lot of consideration goes into this one act, as well it should… I hope you really take the time it deserves next time you hang your coat.

How I See Movies and Books

While I watch the television, movies or shows, I find I do something very peculiar. I integrate myself into the movie or show. I normally either assume that I am the hero or main character (especially if they’re a ridiculously awesome person) or that I am a completely new character that nobody else in the show or movie can see or interact with. Basically, I’m there but as a ghost type character. It’s a little creepy. I also tend to do this with books. I create a world and I imagine how everything would look in my head then I put myself in that world and remove myself from the real world. Like I said, it’s a weird feeling.

Sandwiches

It is about time that I tell you all about my pet peeves… it really really bothers me when people call a sandwich by what is on the outside of the sandwich. I know it sounds ridiculous for you to ask for a whole wheat sandwich when you want a ham sandwich, but that isn’t when you make this crucial error. The time most people refer to a sandwich by what’s on the outside is when there are abstract materials making a sandwich. Not like potato chips or bananas, more like dimes and pennies. For example, if you had dime, penny, dime, that would not be a dime sandwich, that would be a penny sandwich. That being said, I’m sure you all can imagine why the recent kfc product: the double down chicken sandwich, which is made like this: chicken, cheese, bacon, cheese, chicken. That, my friends, is a bacon cheese sandwich in between grilled or fried chicken.

Spontaneous Affection

Have you ever seen spontaneous affection? I’m sure you have… does “FREE HUGS” ring a bell? Yeah, it does. Now that we know what spontaneous affection means, I really don’t think that sort of thing would work for me. I get the distinct feeling that if I went out and did that, nobody would want to hug me and I wouldn’t get any hugs at all? It would be a great idea for a movie. One guy would go the entire summer with a free hugs sign but the entire summer he wouldn’t get a single hug, until the last hour of the last day of summer, he sees the little girl that’s about to go to preschool and will she hug him? It could have little twists like, a band of bullies starts noticing that he doesn’t get any hugs and it becomes a daily routine to mock the free hugs guy… I think that is the type of thing that would happen to me… not that I’ve really thought about it.

What's Your Major?

A while back I used the site chatroulette. I’m not proud to say this, but it’s true… thankfully, I was not one of the jerks that just jacks off, in fact I was the opposite. I used the site to provide good conversation for those that wanted it. This only lasted for about four days… I don’t use the site any more. While I was on it, I found out something interesting… a lot of people ask the same standard questions: Where are you from? What’s your name? How old are you? And interestingly enough, What is your major? Almost everybody I actually talked to asked me this and I always replied that I was undecided. I feel that it’s only right that I don’t know what I want to do. I feel like if you asked any of my friends what their major was, they could tell you… and not only that, but they could tell you what they want their job to be when they grow up (and perhaps more). I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with knowing what you want to do, but personally, I’m in a period of discovery. I don’t know what I want to do, and I’m proud of it. I might have no idea because I have big issues making decisions, but still, I don’t know what my major is and that's fine with me.

TV Traffic Reports

TV traffic reports are almost completely useless. By the time you are able to use the information that the report gives you, the traffic has completely changed. Instead of giving full traffic reports, from now on the people that control the televisions (what mighty power they posses) should just give updates that scroll across the bottom of the screen, but not just any old updates, only the updates about the red sections and major backups that will probably stay backed up for a couple hours. Everything else just changes way too fast.

Restaurant

I have great idea for a restaurant. You know how just about every restaurant you go to has really stupid names for all their food, for example, the super slamming big boy burger. Nobody in the world would want to order that… how about just hamburger. So my restaurant is going to have a whole bunch of really crazy names for all the food. Some examples: “Come back to me” “nothing” “I’ll be right back” “something that is really awful” and it might sound a little like an Abbott and Costello skit but whatever I still think it would be a great restaurant.

Take Me Out

I figured out a great way to possibly ask a girl out. I’m sure it’s already been thought of but whatever. Somehow get a girl to drop whatever she’s carrying. You have to be creative enough to figure that out (I’m not going to give it all away… you have to do some work here) then help her pick up her things and slip in your number somewhere amongst them. Also, if you’re feeling lazy or particularly uncreative, find her in a time when she is focused on anything or is super focused on one thing in particular or if she’s just really clumsy. Write your number on a piece of paper and fold it up. Tell her she dropped it; give it to her then walk away. Preferably before she gets a chance to open it and read it.

Me Me Me

I feel like I always think about myself first unfortunately. I’d like to be one of those people that naturally things about others first, but I am not that person. I’ll give you some examples. A little while ago I went for a run and I saw seven different cop cars in five minutes and the first thing I thought was why am I being followed? Also if anybody ever yells somebody’s name out, I look. Even if it isn’t my name, I figure I might know the person. Beyond that, even if it is a name of somebody that I don’t know I still think it will somehow connect back to me.

Fear of the Future

I’m frequently afraid that my life will turn out poorly, and it scares me. I feel it’s only natural for people to fear for their future, so I don’t worry so much when I think, who will my wife be, or what will my job be, or things of that nature. But that isn’t what scares me (granted I would like my life to turn out well, but that isn’t what scares me). What really scares me is the dramatic turns that my life could take in the future, specifically that I might turn out to be a mass murderer and I don’t even know it. What if I just snap and start killing people. I’ve already started to plan out how I would kill somebody and what I would do once they were dead… I think I might have problems…

A group of geese on the ground is a gaggle while a group of geese in the air is a skein.

Insert Name Here

I always have a hard time trying to think of a title for each of my posts. There is never a unifying theme through my many thoughts so I never have a title that covers everything I'm talking about. If anybody could help me in the future, or if you have a suggestion for me, let me know... (although, I have begun to make my posts smaller so that they only cover one subject... it's a long story, if you want to hear it, call me. I'm getting a little bored now that school has started).

Humans in the world should make coasters that are also business cards, or business cards that are also coasters. Then those same people should give me money for my brilliant idea. If this concept has already been created, I should get money anyway. The way I see it, I was just as smart as the guy who created this genius idea in the first place, so I should be entitled to some money. I’m not asking for a lot of money, just a fraction of the amount of money that the original guy got (and my money would depend on how much the original idea was worth, i.e. if the guy got $1,000,000, I don’t think 1% is too much to ask for ($10,000) but if he got $100, I don’t want to be a douche and take some of the small amount that he has… at this point he needs it more than I do).

My friend Joe and my brother (Ryan) created one of the crazy awesomest systems ever. It’s called the perdec system. For example, I think there’s a three perdec chance of snow tomorrow. It would be the same as a 30 percent chance. If you can’t figure it out, you don’t really deserve to use this awesome system.

I'm sorry this is so soon and so long, but this is the real reason for the post and it just occured to me (unlike most of the things I write... almost everything you see on this blog was posted at least three months after it was written) and I'm bored and I want to hear people's thoughts.

I was recently (about five minutes ago) going through my own blog to look at the comments (which has become a very daunting task… I go through all my old posts to see if anybody else has gone through my old posts and decided to comment. It’s always such a letdown because nobody ever does and it takes a good chunk of time and effort) and occasionally reading something I wrote and I realized that some of the things that I say are actually pretty funny… which got me thinking… if it isn’t too much trouble for you, can everybody tell me their favorite (or one of their favorites) blog post of mine up to now. If you tell me yours, I’ll tell you mine…

New Cars

The brain is 70% fat.

Have you ever noticed how exciting a new car is? No matter what car it is or what condition it’s in, it will always be interesting to the people that know you best. Even if the car isn’t completely new, even if it’s a used car but it’s new for you, it will be exciting. People will get in your car (even if it’s dented and smells bad and it’s all ripped up) they’ll get in and notice it is a new car and they’ll ask you questions about it. For example, is this a new car? Are these leather seats? What did you name it? Speaking of which, I don’t really like to name my cars. There are four kids in my family, three cars, and two navigational systems. This means that there is a potential for twenty different names (if not more when you include the ipasses and the possibility of switching navigational voices and moving the navigation system to a different car) I never really got the allure of naming a car…

Dating Sites

I think it’s odd how some humans out there have created certain dating sites on the internets, for example match.com, chemistry.com, or eharmony. These sites are created for the people that are desperate enough to go out and tell random people that they need to date somebody. Also, I would guess that the people that use the sites are generally at least thirty or thirty five. I have no facts to prove this, but I would guess that a large amount of people that get married get married in their twenties or early thirties. This suggests that somebody created a website for people that passed through a period of their life where they were experiencing love and serious relationships but never actually tied the knot. Now they’re a point in their life where they are desperate enough to try anything. My question is, if I’m willing to try absolutely anything to try and find my life partner, why would I pay money to use a website that doesn’t allow me to meet with said partner face to face when I could meet up close and person with at least twenty people every night for free? (it’s called a bar)

Hot and Cold Food

First of all, I’d like to point out that this thought came to me while I was browsing thru all my other thoughts that I’ve written down. I wasn’t actually reading my other thoughts, I just had the word document open and I was scrolling through it… I found it a little ironic. Anyway, here’s what I was thinking: my mouth gets really messed up when I have some food that is both spicy and cold. Especially when it’s a little colder than it needs to be. Then it’s like, oh this is kinda cold (because almost nothing spicy is spicy immediately when it enters your mouth) then all of the sudden BOOM your mouth is on fire, but since the food is cold it’s still crazy because you remember how cold your mouth is, but it’s still hot because it’s spicy. It’s kinda like sauna swim (you get hot in a sauna, then go into some cold water… crazy!). Sometimes I just need to be messed up.

Big Mac for Scottie Mac

The Big Mac. First I would like to point out the presentation of the big mac. It comes in its own personalized box which shows the ingredients that come on the big mac. The box also advertizes how unique the big mac is. The caption on the box says, “What makes your Big Mac so unique? Maybe it’s how the double layer of sear-sizzled 100% pure beef mingles with the sauce and melty cheese, the snap of onion and the tart crunch of pickle. Or, maybe it’s just that it’s tall.” After I read this, I was expecting a gourmet delight of a hamburger. Or at least something that was crunchy and snapped. I found neither of these to be true. Truth be told I was pretty excited for my first bite. I couldn’t wait to experience the sounds that went along with the sights, smells, tastes, and feelings that went along with the big mac, but I was greeted with no such pleasures and that was only the first disappointment.

The big mac also advertised about being “tall” and I found this to be a bit questionable. I have definitely seen taller burgers in my life, and in fact, I think I’ve even seen burgers that are taller than the box the big mac comes in. Especially since the big mac is a double decker burger with three buns, I definitely thought it could have been bigger (that’s what she said). All in all, I would say that the size didn’t matter as long as the taste was good (this sounds so wrong… burgers people, burgers) but it didn’t taste all that good and one of the selling points was the size, which also didn’t impress.

Another main selling point of the big mac was its uniqueness. After reading the box, I got the impression that not only was the big mac as a burger unique, but each individual big mac was unique. For starters, they tell you all the ingredients of the big mac on the outside of the box and even though there is a “secret sauce” I have it on good knowledge (my father, Charles) that it isn’t a secret at all. Even if it was a secret, McDonald’s doesn’t seem to be any good at keeping it a secret, they’ll sell the burger to anybody. This is in high contrast to the krabby patty, which Mr. Krabs and Spongebob would guard with their lives, and I have seen no such heroism from the McDonald’s employees. Back to the point though, while the big mac itself could easily be duplicated, I also get the distinct impression that each burger is almost machine made. I don’t really have any proof other than the fact that in the past I have had one or two big macs and they’ve all been exactly the same. In other words, all big macs are basically the exact same thing. Again, I wouldn’t care if it wasn’t unique if it tasted good.

Up until now, everything about the big mac has been a lie. Unfortunately, I am unable to tell you about the cheese because I didn’t want to dissect the burger in order to preserve the integrity of it. However, looking back in my past dealings with McDonalds, I can say one thing for the big mac: in comparison to all other McDonalds food products (excluding fries), everything the big mac says, is true. For example, it is fairly tall compared to a bacon cheeseburger. All in all, I would say the big mac needs some big work. It isn’t one of my favorite foods and I wouldn’t even pick it if my only options were fast food options. It seems to me that the big mac is a good fit for somebody with an extremely low food budget where a four dollar meal would be a real treat (i.e. hicks).

Holidays and Mixing it up

Unites States holidays are one big celebration of crap. I’m sorry. Take a second to think about this… Thanksgiving- Thanks for the land Native Americans, Independence Day- Take that England, Martin Luther King Day- We’re sorry we killed you Dr. King, Abraham Lincoln’s birthday- Sorry we killed you too… don’t get me wrong, these are all great holidays, I just think they’re a little questionable.

I have a rhetorical question to pose for all of those people who read my blog. While going about your daily routine, how often do you do the exact same thing every single time. Take me for example, every time I walk to class, I go the exact same way… I’m not saying the same streets, I’m saying the same side of the street. This got me thinking, what if your soul mate did the exact same thing as you every single day at the same time, just on the opposite side of the street? You would never meet your spouse simply because you didn’t walk on the other side of the street. Maybe you should mix up your schedule a little.

Human Insanity

Insanity is itself a conundrum. We have people (who are quite possibly insane themselves) telling us who they think is insane, while the people who actually think they are insane could never be insane because they know they are, which means they aren’t. Meanwhile, we have ordinary everyday people walking on the street telling their friends about people who are absolutely crazy (that’s a crazy b!@#*) who most people would say is sane (the everyday ordinary person). But how do we know the “ordinary people” aren’t the crazy ones and the “insane” people aren’t normal?

I was watching TV recently and I saw a very curious show. The show is called John Oliver’s New York Stand-Up Show and I have to give it mad props. John Oliver has a bunch of comedians come onto his show and do bits in front of a live audience. But it isn’t a TV audience, this show is in a theater. This is genius. Now not only is he getting money from the people watching this show on TV, but he also gets money from the people that are paying to watch the show live. Of course this is a genius idea only if you like money…

Annoyances and Conspiracy Theories

I have begun to do a lot of really stupid things that just annoy the crap out of me (which makes me scared to think how much they could annoy other people). For one thing, I sometimes copy hand motions of other people when I think the hand motions are cool. That said, I think I picked this up all on my own (I didn’t see anybody doing it before me): I wave my hands around a lot when telling stories (and perhaps talking in general), but whenever I do, my fingers are always in really odd positions. I think it’s really weird and odd looking, but I can’t stop. I have also begun to realize that I’m a one-upper. It’s a kind of human being that whenever they hear about somebody else, they say something that’s one better (oh your kid was the second best swimmer in the state, well my kid is the best runner in the state and the smartest one to boot). As much as I would wish against it, whenever somebody talks, I always find myself thinking about something that I did that’s better than them… I might not always say it, but I’m usually thinking it. Last, my stories always take a really long time to tell… I think it might be because people interrupt me, which is why recently, when I’m being interrupted, I start to tell people to be quiet because I’m telling a story. I wish I could stop because whatever you’re saying is more important than what I’m saying… I guarantee it.

I’m beginning to think that the world is conspiring against me. It would be kind of like The Truman Show only instead of a show where everything in a man’s life is controlled for TV, it would be controlled to make his life worse. For example, sometimes when I don’t hear from my friends for extended periods of time, I think maybe one person in the group told everybody else not to talk to me, or people at Wisconsin are avoiding me on purpose so that I won’t make any friends. (Warning: I might be compliment fishing, I’m not sure. You don’t need to call me and tell me how great I am (I don’t want you to lie) and I realize that these thoughts are completely ridiculous. However, if any part of this is true, please call me and tell me so).