How's College?

I find the question: “How’s college?” very irksome. It’s very difficult to describe how college is going… so most of the time I just end up saying “good" or something like that. I’m not sure if people understand, but college is kind of a huge thing that can’t be discussed with a single question. It takes many many different questions for you to adequately know how my college experience is. That’s why from now on, I plan on responding: If you’re there or you’ve been, you should know; if you’re going to go, get excited and you’ll find out soon enough; and if you aren’t going and haven’t been, you missed out.

One in every four Americans has appeared on television.

Rigged Sports

I was recently watching the Stanley cup playoffs and the LeBron deal and my dad said something that made me reconsider sports as I know them. I’ve known for some time now that pro wrestling is fake (if you didn’t, sorry to ruin it for you). Every time I happen to see it, I can see them stomp their feet every time they “hit” their opponent. And I think Hulk Hogan said (on Hogan Knows Best) something like: in the beginning I was just a bad guy so they (the proverbial they, in this case, the powers that be of wrestling, which are humans (interested in getting the best TV ratings and crowds at the “matches” (plays)), no there aren’t wrestling gods) made me lose, but then the fans started to love me, so they started to make me win more. Even more evidence (as if that wasn’t enough) is that I saw a wrestler actually get a little hurt (on TV, I would never go to one of those things) and I could tell that he was hurt and so could the other wrestler. I could actually see when the other wrestler bent over to ask the guy if he was ok… it was pretty funny. But now for my revelation… what’s to say that all sports aren’t rigged. Maybe that’s why the top three free agents all went to the same team, because somebody already knows everything that’s going to happen in basketball because they are saying what happens. Maybe that’s why nobody has had a no loss season since the Dolphins. Perhaps somebody is behind all of the curtains…

Trees

I would just like to point out how cool trees are. AWESOME! Love them (that’s a command). But really, they’re really cool. Exhibit C: Christmas trees. But they’re cooler than just flashy lights and nice decorations. Trees provide one of the most crucial elements of most animal's survival (oxygen) while simultaneously taking away one of the gasses that causes global warming (which I have more to say about but now is not the time and by the way, the gas is carbon dioxide). Furthermore, mosquitoes like carbon dioxide, so going near trees should help keep them away and trees can be good shelter from rain (good, not great). And beyond that, some trees are amazingly large and some trees have had to adapt to their conditions in crazy amazing ways and even the internal structure of trees is awesome. And plant cells have cell walls which are super cool. Trees rule!

Auto Lawn Mower

I’m guessing most of you have seen the commercials for the automated vacuum cleaner that has a sensor on it so it just travels around your house cleaning and avoiding things it’s supposed to not hit. I think people should make a lawn mower version. Not only would it discourage illegal immigration (joke) but it would also make my life easier. I feel like there is one flaw with this whole plan though (no, not that it would travel off your property, I have ideas for that) which is that I doubt that the sensor thing works all that well, so it’s probably a bad idea to attach blades to something that is roaming around your lawn in random directions, just waiting to cut somebody’s toe off or de-tail your dog. Not good.

The Dentist

I hate going to the dentist. Not because I don’t like the pain (which sucks and always happens) and not because my dentist is a really mean person, but because every single dentist in the world will make sure you know how terrible of a job you did cleaning your teeth. I’m never good enough for them, it’s almost like a competition, me vs. dentist, and I never win. It’s like, hey I’m sorry, I brushed 8 times a day and flossed 4 and I had a broken arm so I couldn’t exactly reach everywhere, but I asked one of my friends to help me… is that plaque that I see? Gosh darn it… I lose again. But really, I tried to tell the dentist I broke my arm and I couldn’t floss and they were still telling me I was doing something wrong… I’m sorry, how about you floss when your elbow is fixed at a right angle.

Special Thread

A couple things for those of you who don't quite keep up with my blog like I do... first you should probably go back and look at my toy dogs section, some information has been added that I would like people to know about. Also, I had this thought in high school at my prom... and it's still good...

Somebody should make glow in the dark thread (somebody probably already has…) and start making a lot of clothing with said thread. It would be so cool. If you had just a black shirt that completely transformed in the night… awesome. Also, to go with it, blacklight thread. Furthermore, once this has become somewhat of a popular idea, I think some high school teacher should utilize the thread while supervising prom. How funny would it be if you saw this super ornate thread pattern in the back of somebody’s tux that said “Come get some” and it was a teacher… hilarious.

Biker Gangs

I mean no disrespect or hard feelings but I think there is something wrong with biker gangs… for starters, it is highly inefficient to drive large packs of people around on one or two person vehicles, not to mention far less safe (for the people riding the bike) in crashes (and probably dangerous for the person that crashed into the person on the bike… retribution from the rest of the bikers…). Furthermore, the style in which they traverse around is a little contradictory to the image that I think they’re trying to give out. What would you think if you saw a bunch of sweating leather clad men together… one of those crazy sex gatherings? Perhaps…

Loaded Questions

I get paranoid a lot… you should know that by now if you read my blog. I have a lot of thoughts in my head that are odd, strange, and just plain weird that might suggest that I have issues in my head (in my opinion). So a lot of the time when I’m paranoid, I tend to ask loaded questions (i.e. did you not respond because you forgot about me or is it just because you don’t like me?) which don’t really have any good answers. I think that there are probably a lot of other people out there that do the same thing that I do… in fact I have seen it happen, it’s nothing special. However, if you ever see somebody answer a loaded question correctly, it’s a sight to see. Imagine (if you will, for just a second) a conversation between two people. The first says, “Did you not respond because you forgot about me or is it just because you don’t like me?” the other responds, “I’m sorry, I was just busy saving 11 people from a burning building then picking up only the most awesome thing ever that I knew you wanted…” and then how does person one respond. By going from anger to happiness, forgiveness, etc. in about .3142 seconds while at the same time not having anything at all to say… priceless.

Toy Dogs

I was recently living my life (no big, I do it all the time) and I saw somebody carrying their dog around and this thought occurred to me: if you need to carry your dog around, you need a new dog. There is a reason people “walk the dog” and that is that all dogs need to walk around and relieve themselves at some point in time and if your dog is so small that you can carry it and it can’t keep up with you when you’re walking about, your dog is too weak. It’s called natural selection, let life run its course. That said, I think they’re really cute (sometimes). I just wouldn’t want to own one.

Business: SPACE!

I think it would be really cool if space travel was a business, like an amusement ride. I’ve talked about this before with my friend Matt and we’ve decided to try and be the first to do so, which would be doubly awesome because then we would have a monopoly on the business and it would be even cooler (because we would be rich and going into space all the time and space is the coolest). As far as I can tell though, somebody needs to create one of the following before this idea is actually possible: a really cheap space ship or a spaceship that could be used over and over and over again. Get to work people.

Torture

I think our government (or other people’s parents) should experiment with some new tortures I have devised. Instead of doing whatever crazy torture that they do now, the government should tie the men (that they capture) down in a room, and let in their mother in law and let the mom just talk the prisoner’s ears off about how terrible he is… and so forth (not that I have anything wrong with mother in laws, it just stems from things I’ve heard (and it obviously doesn’t apply to all mother in laws)). Or they could bring in the prisoner’s ex-girlfriend or older brother (the brother would just bully the prisoner… noogies and so forth). And this all stems from the master of all alarm clocks. The alarm clock I’m talking about goes off and if you snooze it for more than three minutes, it will call a random person from your phonebook on your cell phone. No I don’t have one, but I wish I did just so I could have interesting conversations with people. Why are you calling?... your alarm clock? Come on, do you expect me to believe that?

First Impressions of Clothing

I have recently noticed that there is a certain connection with what people may be wearing at any random point in time (for example when you first look at them…) and how you happen to perceive them and how it makes an impression on you (yes, I know I’m slow… but I got it eventually). One specific example that I noticed was shorts. When people first start breaking out shorts in the spring, the shorts just look so comfortable and as a result, the person who wears the shorts looks really relaxed and chill.

Movie Wrongness

Movies are ridiculous… especially movies with shooting. I’m not sure if you’ve ever realized this (clearly I have), but all movies with shooting in them are really really one sided. The good guys always seem to take about three shots to kill five people whereas the bad guys can’t hit the ground when they aim at it (even with gravity). The same principal sometimes applies to videogames, although sometimes the opposite applies to videogames as well… I’m sure there is a middle ground somewhere; I just need to find it. This is why if I ever have my own army, they will all be sharp shooters.

Another bad thing about movies: they tend to be inconsistent (in several different aspects). One of which is when the movie has a sequel and gets a different actor to play a certain role, like we won’t notice. But there are some directors who just go one step beyond that, and change who plays one of the main roles. (i.e. Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, Rachel (Batman’s childhood friend) is played by Katie Holmes and Maggie Gyllenhaal respectively). At that point in time, it just gets confusing… like is that supposed to be the same person? Clearly they aren’t, so why even bother?

Boredom

Being bored may be one of the most dangerous things ever… when I’m bored, I start to get mini addictions to a whole bunch of different bad things. One good example of this would be college for me… I have a lot of free time and as a result, I start to eat… all the time. Boredom breeds habits to replace boredom. Watch out!

Tired

I recently realized that if you’re tired enough, any sound or sight makes you sleepy. In high school, every once in a while, my K.W. (gym) class would go to the wrestling room which was full of nice cushy mats and we would have a relaxation class. The teacher would turn the lights off and play a tape. The tape always had this soothing voice that told you to relax and go to sleep. Obviously these little sessions would relax me and make me a little tired. I recently found that if you’re tired enough, any voice or sound can perform the exact same function as what I just described. Weird, I know.

Careless Teachers

Apparently some teachers are fairly careless and don’t really care if other people see their tests before people actually get the test. My Spanish teacher told me that on several occasions she has gone into the foreign languages library and found a test open on a computer screen. She always closes the test and quits out, but what if a student were to find a test like this. I’m sure some people (with lower moral standards than me) would take said test and print it out. If they were in the class, they could use the test to their advantage directly and get a good grade (hopefully a perfect grade) on their test. If said student wasn’t in the class, they could sell the test to the class. Now there are two ways to go about this: they could sell the test individually to each person and every person would have to pay. The down sides of this would be that maybe not everybody would pay for it and one person could pay for it and copy it for everybody else and undercut the original seller. The other option would be to contact the class and sell it to them in bulk, i.e. sell the entire class one copy for a steep price. Then each class member that wants to see the test would pay to one person and that person would distribute them all at once. The down side of that would be that the price might be too high and the kids in the class that were goody two shoes would be able to tattle. Not that I’ve thought about this extensively, I would just close the test like my teacher does.

Hanging Coats

There is a certain art to hanging up coats and shirts and other things of that sort. It’s not just a run of the mill day to day activity; it takes some real talent to pull it off well. I’m sure you’ve seen a hang up job that somebody absolutely butchered: coats all over the floor, hangers everywhere, maybe even a couple coats stacked on each other, and then the one coat that has about a foot of space on either side of it on the best hanger in the room (in other words, the culprit). It takes skill to hang a coat well. You have to find a hanger, then if you have a hat and gloves, put them in the coat, and put the coat on the hanger so that it doesn’t fall off, find a spot that’s easy to access, isn’t overcrowded, and where you’ll be able to find it later, then you have to actually hang the coat up (and for me, that includes minimal skin contact with the coats near it). Clearly, a lot of consideration goes into this one act, as well it should… I hope you really take the time it deserves next time you hang your coat.

How I See Movies and Books

While I watch the television, movies or shows, I find I do something very peculiar. I integrate myself into the movie or show. I normally either assume that I am the hero or main character (especially if they’re a ridiculously awesome person) or that I am a completely new character that nobody else in the show or movie can see or interact with. Basically, I’m there but as a ghost type character. It’s a little creepy. I also tend to do this with books. I create a world and I imagine how everything would look in my head then I put myself in that world and remove myself from the real world. Like I said, it’s a weird feeling.