Loaded Questions

I get paranoid a lot… you should know that by now if you read my blog. I have a lot of thoughts in my head that are odd, strange, and just plain weird that might suggest that I have issues in my head (in my opinion). So a lot of the time when I’m paranoid, I tend to ask loaded questions (i.e. did you not respond because you forgot about me or is it just because you don’t like me?) which don’t really have any good answers. I think that there are probably a lot of other people out there that do the same thing that I do… in fact I have seen it happen, it’s nothing special. However, if you ever see somebody answer a loaded question correctly, it’s a sight to see. Imagine (if you will, for just a second) a conversation between two people. The first says, “Did you not respond because you forgot about me or is it just because you don’t like me?” the other responds, “I’m sorry, I was just busy saving 11 people from a burning building then picking up only the most awesome thing ever that I knew you wanted…” and then how does person one respond. By going from anger to happiness, forgiveness, etc. in about .3142 seconds while at the same time not having anything at all to say… priceless.

Toy Dogs

I was recently living my life (no big, I do it all the time) and I saw somebody carrying their dog around and this thought occurred to me: if you need to carry your dog around, you need a new dog. There is a reason people “walk the dog” and that is that all dogs need to walk around and relieve themselves at some point in time and if your dog is so small that you can carry it and it can’t keep up with you when you’re walking about, your dog is too weak. It’s called natural selection, let life run its course. That said, I think they’re really cute (sometimes). I just wouldn’t want to own one.

Business: SPACE!

I think it would be really cool if space travel was a business, like an amusement ride. I’ve talked about this before with my friend Matt and we’ve decided to try and be the first to do so, which would be doubly awesome because then we would have a monopoly on the business and it would be even cooler (because we would be rich and going into space all the time and space is the coolest). As far as I can tell though, somebody needs to create one of the following before this idea is actually possible: a really cheap space ship or a spaceship that could be used over and over and over again. Get to work people.

Torture

I think our government (or other people’s parents) should experiment with some new tortures I have devised. Instead of doing whatever crazy torture that they do now, the government should tie the men (that they capture) down in a room, and let in their mother in law and let the mom just talk the prisoner’s ears off about how terrible he is… and so forth (not that I have anything wrong with mother in laws, it just stems from things I’ve heard (and it obviously doesn’t apply to all mother in laws)). Or they could bring in the prisoner’s ex-girlfriend or older brother (the brother would just bully the prisoner… noogies and so forth). And this all stems from the master of all alarm clocks. The alarm clock I’m talking about goes off and if you snooze it for more than three minutes, it will call a random person from your phonebook on your cell phone. No I don’t have one, but I wish I did just so I could have interesting conversations with people. Why are you calling?... your alarm clock? Come on, do you expect me to believe that?

First Impressions of Clothing

I have recently noticed that there is a certain connection with what people may be wearing at any random point in time (for example when you first look at them…) and how you happen to perceive them and how it makes an impression on you (yes, I know I’m slow… but I got it eventually). One specific example that I noticed was shorts. When people first start breaking out shorts in the spring, the shorts just look so comfortable and as a result, the person who wears the shorts looks really relaxed and chill.

Movie Wrongness

Movies are ridiculous… especially movies with shooting. I’m not sure if you’ve ever realized this (clearly I have), but all movies with shooting in them are really really one sided. The good guys always seem to take about three shots to kill five people whereas the bad guys can’t hit the ground when they aim at it (even with gravity). The same principal sometimes applies to videogames, although sometimes the opposite applies to videogames as well… I’m sure there is a middle ground somewhere; I just need to find it. This is why if I ever have my own army, they will all be sharp shooters.

Another bad thing about movies: they tend to be inconsistent (in several different aspects). One of which is when the movie has a sequel and gets a different actor to play a certain role, like we won’t notice. But there are some directors who just go one step beyond that, and change who plays one of the main roles. (i.e. Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, Rachel (Batman’s childhood friend) is played by Katie Holmes and Maggie Gyllenhaal respectively). At that point in time, it just gets confusing… like is that supposed to be the same person? Clearly they aren’t, so why even bother?

Boredom

Being bored may be one of the most dangerous things ever… when I’m bored, I start to get mini addictions to a whole bunch of different bad things. One good example of this would be college for me… I have a lot of free time and as a result, I start to eat… all the time. Boredom breeds habits to replace boredom. Watch out!

Tired

I recently realized that if you’re tired enough, any sound or sight makes you sleepy. In high school, every once in a while, my K.W. (gym) class would go to the wrestling room which was full of nice cushy mats and we would have a relaxation class. The teacher would turn the lights off and play a tape. The tape always had this soothing voice that told you to relax and go to sleep. Obviously these little sessions would relax me and make me a little tired. I recently found that if you’re tired enough, any voice or sound can perform the exact same function as what I just described. Weird, I know.

Careless Teachers

Apparently some teachers are fairly careless and don’t really care if other people see their tests before people actually get the test. My Spanish teacher told me that on several occasions she has gone into the foreign languages library and found a test open on a computer screen. She always closes the test and quits out, but what if a student were to find a test like this. I’m sure some people (with lower moral standards than me) would take said test and print it out. If they were in the class, they could use the test to their advantage directly and get a good grade (hopefully a perfect grade) on their test. If said student wasn’t in the class, they could sell the test to the class. Now there are two ways to go about this: they could sell the test individually to each person and every person would have to pay. The down sides of this would be that maybe not everybody would pay for it and one person could pay for it and copy it for everybody else and undercut the original seller. The other option would be to contact the class and sell it to them in bulk, i.e. sell the entire class one copy for a steep price. Then each class member that wants to see the test would pay to one person and that person would distribute them all at once. The down side of that would be that the price might be too high and the kids in the class that were goody two shoes would be able to tattle. Not that I’ve thought about this extensively, I would just close the test like my teacher does.

Hanging Coats

There is a certain art to hanging up coats and shirts and other things of that sort. It’s not just a run of the mill day to day activity; it takes some real talent to pull it off well. I’m sure you’ve seen a hang up job that somebody absolutely butchered: coats all over the floor, hangers everywhere, maybe even a couple coats stacked on each other, and then the one coat that has about a foot of space on either side of it on the best hanger in the room (in other words, the culprit). It takes skill to hang a coat well. You have to find a hanger, then if you have a hat and gloves, put them in the coat, and put the coat on the hanger so that it doesn’t fall off, find a spot that’s easy to access, isn’t overcrowded, and where you’ll be able to find it later, then you have to actually hang the coat up (and for me, that includes minimal skin contact with the coats near it). Clearly, a lot of consideration goes into this one act, as well it should… I hope you really take the time it deserves next time you hang your coat.

How I See Movies and Books

While I watch the television, movies or shows, I find I do something very peculiar. I integrate myself into the movie or show. I normally either assume that I am the hero or main character (especially if they’re a ridiculously awesome person) or that I am a completely new character that nobody else in the show or movie can see or interact with. Basically, I’m there but as a ghost type character. It’s a little creepy. I also tend to do this with books. I create a world and I imagine how everything would look in my head then I put myself in that world and remove myself from the real world. Like I said, it’s a weird feeling.

Sandwiches

It is about time that I tell you all about my pet peeves… it really really bothers me when people call a sandwich by what is on the outside of the sandwich. I know it sounds ridiculous for you to ask for a whole wheat sandwich when you want a ham sandwich, but that isn’t when you make this crucial error. The time most people refer to a sandwich by what’s on the outside is when there are abstract materials making a sandwich. Not like potato chips or bananas, more like dimes and pennies. For example, if you had dime, penny, dime, that would not be a dime sandwich, that would be a penny sandwich. That being said, I’m sure you all can imagine why the recent kfc product: the double down chicken sandwich, which is made like this: chicken, cheese, bacon, cheese, chicken. That, my friends, is a bacon cheese sandwich in between grilled or fried chicken.

Spontaneous Affection

Have you ever seen spontaneous affection? I’m sure you have… does “FREE HUGS” ring a bell? Yeah, it does. Now that we know what spontaneous affection means, I really don’t think that sort of thing would work for me. I get the distinct feeling that if I went out and did that, nobody would want to hug me and I wouldn’t get any hugs at all? It would be a great idea for a movie. One guy would go the entire summer with a free hugs sign but the entire summer he wouldn’t get a single hug, until the last hour of the last day of summer, he sees the little girl that’s about to go to preschool and will she hug him? It could have little twists like, a band of bullies starts noticing that he doesn’t get any hugs and it becomes a daily routine to mock the free hugs guy… I think that is the type of thing that would happen to me… not that I’ve really thought about it.

What's Your Major?

A while back I used the site chatroulette. I’m not proud to say this, but it’s true… thankfully, I was not one of the jerks that just jacks off, in fact I was the opposite. I used the site to provide good conversation for those that wanted it. This only lasted for about four days… I don’t use the site any more. While I was on it, I found out something interesting… a lot of people ask the same standard questions: Where are you from? What’s your name? How old are you? And interestingly enough, What is your major? Almost everybody I actually talked to asked me this and I always replied that I was undecided. I feel that it’s only right that I don’t know what I want to do. I feel like if you asked any of my friends what their major was, they could tell you… and not only that, but they could tell you what they want their job to be when they grow up (and perhaps more). I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with knowing what you want to do, but personally, I’m in a period of discovery. I don’t know what I want to do, and I’m proud of it. I might have no idea because I have big issues making decisions, but still, I don’t know what my major is and that's fine with me.

TV Traffic Reports

TV traffic reports are almost completely useless. By the time you are able to use the information that the report gives you, the traffic has completely changed. Instead of giving full traffic reports, from now on the people that control the televisions (what mighty power they posses) should just give updates that scroll across the bottom of the screen, but not just any old updates, only the updates about the red sections and major backups that will probably stay backed up for a couple hours. Everything else just changes way too fast.

Restaurant

I have great idea for a restaurant. You know how just about every restaurant you go to has really stupid names for all their food, for example, the super slamming big boy burger. Nobody in the world would want to order that… how about just hamburger. So my restaurant is going to have a whole bunch of really crazy names for all the food. Some examples: “Come back to me” “nothing” “I’ll be right back” “something that is really awful” and it might sound a little like an Abbott and Costello skit but whatever I still think it would be a great restaurant.

Take Me Out

I figured out a great way to possibly ask a girl out. I’m sure it’s already been thought of but whatever. Somehow get a girl to drop whatever she’s carrying. You have to be creative enough to figure that out (I’m not going to give it all away… you have to do some work here) then help her pick up her things and slip in your number somewhere amongst them. Also, if you’re feeling lazy or particularly uncreative, find her in a time when she is focused on anything or is super focused on one thing in particular or if she’s just really clumsy. Write your number on a piece of paper and fold it up. Tell her she dropped it; give it to her then walk away. Preferably before she gets a chance to open it and read it.

Me Me Me

I feel like I always think about myself first unfortunately. I’d like to be one of those people that naturally things about others first, but I am not that person. I’ll give you some examples. A little while ago I went for a run and I saw seven different cop cars in five minutes and the first thing I thought was why am I being followed? Also if anybody ever yells somebody’s name out, I look. Even if it isn’t my name, I figure I might know the person. Beyond that, even if it is a name of somebody that I don’t know I still think it will somehow connect back to me.

Fear of the Future

I’m frequently afraid that my life will turn out poorly, and it scares me. I feel it’s only natural for people to fear for their future, so I don’t worry so much when I think, who will my wife be, or what will my job be, or things of that nature. But that isn’t what scares me (granted I would like my life to turn out well, but that isn’t what scares me). What really scares me is the dramatic turns that my life could take in the future, specifically that I might turn out to be a mass murderer and I don’t even know it. What if I just snap and start killing people. I’ve already started to plan out how I would kill somebody and what I would do once they were dead… I think I might have problems…

A group of geese on the ground is a gaggle while a group of geese in the air is a skein.

Insert Name Here

I always have a hard time trying to think of a title for each of my posts. There is never a unifying theme through my many thoughts so I never have a title that covers everything I'm talking about. If anybody could help me in the future, or if you have a suggestion for me, let me know... (although, I have begun to make my posts smaller so that they only cover one subject... it's a long story, if you want to hear it, call me. I'm getting a little bored now that school has started).

Humans in the world should make coasters that are also business cards, or business cards that are also coasters. Then those same people should give me money for my brilliant idea. If this concept has already been created, I should get money anyway. The way I see it, I was just as smart as the guy who created this genius idea in the first place, so I should be entitled to some money. I’m not asking for a lot of money, just a fraction of the amount of money that the original guy got (and my money would depend on how much the original idea was worth, i.e. if the guy got $1,000,000, I don’t think 1% is too much to ask for ($10,000) but if he got $100, I don’t want to be a douche and take some of the small amount that he has… at this point he needs it more than I do).

My friend Joe and my brother (Ryan) created one of the crazy awesomest systems ever. It’s called the perdec system. For example, I think there’s a three perdec chance of snow tomorrow. It would be the same as a 30 percent chance. If you can’t figure it out, you don’t really deserve to use this awesome system.

I'm sorry this is so soon and so long, but this is the real reason for the post and it just occured to me (unlike most of the things I write... almost everything you see on this blog was posted at least three months after it was written) and I'm bored and I want to hear people's thoughts.

I was recently (about five minutes ago) going through my own blog to look at the comments (which has become a very daunting task… I go through all my old posts to see if anybody else has gone through my old posts and decided to comment. It’s always such a letdown because nobody ever does and it takes a good chunk of time and effort) and occasionally reading something I wrote and I realized that some of the things that I say are actually pretty funny… which got me thinking… if it isn’t too much trouble for you, can everybody tell me their favorite (or one of their favorites) blog post of mine up to now. If you tell me yours, I’ll tell you mine…