Wednesday, December 30, 2009

While I Zone Out...

I get bored in my classes a lot and as a result I have nothing to do except not pay attention in my classes. When I’m not paying attention to things I also get bored, and this leaves me with two options: I can start paying attention to class again, but then I’ll just get bored and be stuck in an endless loop, or I can think of something else to do. I do the latter a lot. A couple of the things I’ve done in my class time are think of things to say here, figure out the number of different ways to make a dollar with change, figure out the number of different license plates there can be in the U.S., not including different states, and many, many other dumb things.

On my facebook, I see a lot of ads, as previously mentioned, and a lot of them are for girls. By that I do not mean they are intended for girls, I mean they are about the xx’s. I’m not sure if facebook is trying to tell me something, but they are kind of annoying. I mean I like the xx’s as much as the next guy (assuming it is one of the majority of men that are interested in women) but it just gets annoying. But that’s not the real purpose of this… I was really wondering if girls see ads for men on their facebook pages, or do they see ads about xx’s too… or are there no ads about humans at all?

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

The Marvels of Space

SPACE! Let me put this into perspective for you, if you were a period in one pt font, as shown here: . then space is really, really big. Get used to it. But how awesome would it be to travel in space. How cool would it be to be an astronaut. While I was at my college advising over the summer, they asked me what I wanted to be… I couldn’t think of anything so I said astronaut, I felt like a child… it was awesome. I have included a 5x and a 40x magnification of a period in one point font for your viewing pleasure.


As we get older, we’re not so much learning as we are becoming more proficient. Take Spanish as an example, you can only learn so many verb conjugations and vocabulary words. The same holds true for English and math and probably a lot of other things that I’m too lazy to think about right now.

I know it’s been a while (and by that I mean a couple of pages, but if you look at the dates, it has been a while, or at least it feels like it has), so I have more facts! There are 293 different ways to make a dollar with a dollar coin, two half dollars, four quarters, ten dimes, twenty nickels, and one hundred pennies.

The largest sum of money you can have without being able to make a dollar exactly is $1.19, that would be three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies. The largest number of coins you can have is ninety nine pennies… duh!

People with narrower eyes (generally of Southeast Asian decent) can sleep, or shut their eyes in classes easier than other humans. There is a catch though; the teacher can be around people with narrow eyes very often. That was not a scientifically proven fact, rather it was more of an observation of the goings on around me. Again, I apologize if it seems like I’m being prejudiced or racist, that is not the intention.
Also, this is directed at my cousin/ cousin in law- Can I put your blog on my list of blogs to read?

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Pretending and Candy Canes

Some of the people I know also have blogs. I am beginning to realize a reason that my friends created their blogs. Their blogs (in contrast to mine) seem to be fairly intellectual. They share stories of their life or reflect on things that have happened to them and use the many weapons in the arsenal of their minds such as logic and psychology and whatnot. They go in depth about certain ideas such as technology and self image. If you haven’t already noticed, I don’t do that in my blog. However, if that’s what you would like to read, I could tell you about my friend’s blogs so you can read them.

With the current season in mind (winter/ candy cane season) I’ve decided to discuss the options of the candy cane (in other words, I want your opinion about the serious problem I’m about to propose (which of course means I won’t get any feedback, but that’s beside the point)). I don’t know where to start eating a candy cane. On one side, we have the curve (I’m saying you hold this part, and start at the other end), which is easier to hold, but it’s more difficult to keep your hands clean if it’s the last part you’re eating. On the other side, we have the long straight part. The hook is harder to eat, so you’re starting out bad, but in the long run, it’s easier to keep yourself unsticky.

Pretending is both the funniest thing I know, and the most insulting. It can be funny in a lot of different situations: when person A is pretending and person B doesn’t notice, when person A is pretending and person B does notice but person A doesn’t notice that person B did notice, or when somebody is pretending with the intention of being funny. It’s really insulting when somebody is pretending to you and you notice, but they try to keep up the charade anyways. Get it through your skull, you aren’t fooling anybody… I’m not an idiot. Stop lying to me… I know what’s going on here.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Perversions of the Mind and Facebook

There is more bad language, and I'm sorry for how bad this may be. I don't think these things on purpose, just like you don't control the thoughts you think. I don't mean to badmouth any people or be prejudiced. Also, my mom alerted me to something recently. I say a lot of stupid things. Try to ignore them.

Sorry for the perverse turn in thoughts, but I thought of something that I thought was pretty good but I don’t remember, but I did just think of this as I was on facebook. I saw an ad that said friendship, fun or more with a picture of a hot girl underneath and I thought, I’d like some more, or something to that effect… I don’t like to be too vulgar when I don’t have to be. But then I got to thinking… there is no way this chick needs help getting friendship, fun or more, so why would she be there, and it was obvious. This was one of the kinkiest people ever born. Forgive me for saying it, but I’m sure she has no problem getting some, so if she is advertising herself in this, then she needs more. I’m talking about the kind of chick that my friend Matt would call waffle crapping hot… or hot enough that if she took a shit on your waffles not only would you still tap that, but you’d eat the waffles too. At least one in every two guys that she talked to would want to tap that. Like I said, kinkiest girl ever. Now remember this point in my talking, I have three points that I have to talk about from here. First, I know my mind is perverse, I have to cope with that and if you’re reading this so do you. Second, the all important counter argument: wouldn’t somebody just hire this chick to be a poster lady to try and get more guys to come to this site? As previously discussed, she is pretty good looking. Not only would nobody fall for her being at one of these sites, but nobody would think that somebody else would think she was at this site.

I’m going to go back to my first point. I’m perverse. Almost all men are (I hope… if not I feel even more alone, but enough of my problems, back to my problems). But, shhhhh don’t tell anybody. I might get excommunicated. But seriously, a lot of people have this problem (from what I understand) but I’m the only person who has trouble keeping it in my head (you might not know this because I try to stay decent around the people I know well). Of course the worst part is, I don’t exactly realize it as a problem, but I do know it isn’t right. I know other people have a problem with it, and I don’t like that it’s a problem with me but I’m not willing to do anything to change it.

Remember how I said to remember some point of my talking? If you don’t, it’s six pages up, if you do good job. Well the third thing I wanted to say was that I feel the need to say two (or three) things at once sometimes because I’m thinking of them all at the same time which means I want you to think of them all at the same time. Recently, I have been rereading a book, The Amulet of Samarkand by Jonathan Stroud, where footnotes are used to express the same idea as I have just told you about. Stroud uses footnotes to express the multiple conscience levels of a demon. I enjoy it a lot but I won’t be using them because I’m already six pages in and I don’t want to learn how… maybe you’ll see it later, if I become learned.

You may remember how I said I was rereading a book. If you don’t, your memory is worse than mine. I wish I had a footnote now because I might make some funny comment about the use of frequently vs. infrequently. But seriously, don’t they mean the same thing? Back to the memory, mine is selectively good. I remember certain useless things like the digits of pi or different emoticons for facebook chat (try these (^^^), <(“), :] ) but I can’t remember important things like the vacation my family took three years ago. This means I have a lot of trouble finishing series of books. I’ll start a book, get bored, not read a page for a week, forget what was happening and stop reading the book. I’ve also read a series of books and by the time I finish the last one, which may be only a week or two after I stared the first one, but once I finish, I won’t remember what happened in the first book. That’s why I’ve read the Harry Potter series about five times. It also means with both of those two thoughts put together, that there are some series that I’ve tried to read about five times and I’ve never finished them. One such example, which happens to be only three books, is the Bartimaeus Trilogy. Now what was I talking about?

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Speech Patterns and Facebook Ads

First, I'd like to point out how angry I am at Blogger because it won't let me copy things that I've already written and paste them so that I don't have to retype everything. I'm really angry as a result. Also, I'd like to apologize for any foul language that I have previously written and will write in the future. Some will show up in this very post. Sorry...

Although this happened a while ago, it's fun to follow tour groups and ask stupid questions. Or it was when I followed a college tour group and asked stupid questions (while I was (and am) a student at UW Madison). And for future reference, there are no dumb questions unless you can speak sign language, which you can't because you aren't speaking, you're signing. To rephase what I just said properly as I want to say it, there are no dumb questions unless you can sign sign language because if you "say" a dumb question, you are asking a question without making noise (from your mouth, or at least not interpretable noise).

I saw an ad on facebook with a bunch of girls in bikinis standing around a guy with his shirt off and I thought it said, "want to get raped?" and I thought to myself, if that's being raped, I'm in, but it actually said, "want to get ripped?" and I no longer want to be raped.

I want to be English. No, on second thought, I want to be able to speak English, and when I say that I mean I want to be able to speak in an English accent. The English can get away with anything. Especially if they're trying to pick up women... for example, in The Holiday, Jude Law's character gets Cameron Diaz's character to fall for him using his crazy English words and accent. But more in real life (since not all of life is like the movies) I recently went to a sex talk (with free condoms and cookies... I went for the cookies, and if you knew me you wouldn't question that) and there was this one guy from England (I assume, at least he had an English accent (or something that resembled an English accent, I really can't tell), and I might add that I'm angry word doesn't auto capitalize English) and we were discussing different ways to ask a girl to have sex in creative ways and he said, “I dunno, how about, fancy a fuck?” and it was one of the most brilliant things I’ve ever heard… all the girls liked it. Maybe I should move to England.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Arguing (with Microsoft, Youtube, and Facebook)

I'm glad two people cared enough to try to tell me something. Now, I'll tell you what I think of my blog. It is completely pointless... a means of entertainment for you, I gain nothing from writing my own thoughts (however I do enjoy hearing how great they are). Also, I would like to have a shout out to each person I know and care for... I'm getting there. Thanks for the input (that is called ssarcasm).

While reading the following, keep in mind I wrote this a long time ago, 10/26/09 to be exact. Also, I'm impressed with those of you that actually keep up with this. Now that I'm rereading what I wrote, I can't even understand it (eventually I got it). If you want help understanding what I wrote, just call me.

It’s been too long, as evidenced by the dates, and it’s way too late at night… grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. And I definitely used the proper form of it’s directly above this and seeing as I am quoting myself from the last sentence I used the correct form this time too. If you’ve ever tried to write down an argument in Microsoft word (against Microsoft word), I’ll save you the trouble… it doesn’t work. Pinkeys out! When in doubt, Pinkeys out!

Over the weekend I visited my friends in MI, more specifically, at the University of Michigan. It was awesome. I visited my sister too… she was there. And a lot of other people I know, but that’s beside the point, which is where I am a lot of the time I’m noticing. Now I’m behind the point, I’ll run so I can catch up though. I saw some youtube videos. Youtube is a word now… get with the times Microsoft. It made me think, what possesses these people to do this, or even think this, or think that it was a good idea, let alone follow through with it while somebody is filming it and later posting it on youtube? I know, my thoughts are impressive too. For more on that, I refer you to “where’s the chapstick” and “party in the fip.” And chapstick isn’t even a new word and word doesn’t get it’s a word… stupid word. And so you all know, while I was watching “where’s the chapstick” I thought exactly what she says at the end, before she said it…

In other news, I realized today that not only can you “(read more)” on facebook, but after reading more, you can also “(read less)” I don’t think so… once it has been read, it can’t be unread. I would like facebook to attempt to make me unread what I’ve already read. And how is unread a word but facebook, chapstick, pinkey, and youtube aren’t? Back to the point, it’s possible to show less, but not read less, facebook’s standards of my mastery of time are a little too high.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Think About It

I would like to ask all of you who actually pay attention to my blog to answer a question. I’ve been doing my half of the work, and quite frankly, none of you are up to scratch. I’m kidding, you’ve all been great, but back to my question. What is the ultimate goal of this blog? What is the purpose of this blog? (I know what I think, and I’ll tell you next time I post) So, if you want to respond, feel free to tell me what you want from the blog, or where you think I should go with this, or why you read it.

With that said something that bugs the shit out of me is when people say think about it. It’s like saying, I’m too lazy to tell you what the truth about the matter is, so you should think about it yourself, I don’t really care if you come to the same conclusion about it that I did (but I’ll assume you did) and if you didn’t, you’re wrong. Excuse me… I’d rather not think about it, why don’t you spend the whole extra 30 seconds talking to tell me the correct and absolutely truthful conclusion you’ve drawn from the (lopsided and obscured) facts that you’ve provided me with.

Walking… enough said.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

What Was I Saying? Oh Yeah, Live Your Own Life

One of the worst feelings in the world is to forget what word you want to say (or for that matter, forgetting anything) especially when it must be replaced by something that doesn’t quite fit or work as well. On the flip side, one of the best feelings is when you remember what you forgot (unless you don’t want to remember it anymore, in which case you feel even worse). An (extreme) example of the latter would be forgetting (thank you Seinfeld, one of my favorite shows) something that happened on Melrose place that you wanted to tell a friend, but then when your girlfriend puts you on a polygraph machine to see if you watch the show (you don’t want her to think you do) you suddenly remember it and have to tell her that you know… (this didn’t explicitly happen on Seinfeld but something like it did)

Have you ever noticed whenever somebody has something that is their favorite, it’s automatically the best in the world? A lot of people like to exaggerate their world a lot. This is the worst day of my life, Seinfeld is the best show on earth, I ate the biggest sandwich for lunch today. In addition to that, a lot of people like to tell you how to live your life… you’ve never seen Entourage? You have to see it! (that was a small simulated conversation between two people… I do that a lot, I hope you can pick up on it) I find it a little annoying that people tell me how to live my life, and thus try to avoid it as much as possible.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Equality and Stupid Facts

I am in an internal struggle whether or not to post the most recent things I think about, which are more relevant (sometimes), or some of the ten pages I already have written. This may or may not result in an increase of average posts per day. another thing to note... I actually will not be using Times because Blogger is an idiot. The sizes are smallest, small, normal, large, largest and if I use Times, it's either too big or too small. In addition to that, the default font is either Georgia and I won't remember to change it all the time, so this is easier.

I can never get enough highlights. I live for dumb facts and stupid highlights… I think it might be one of the reasons I don’t really ever read full articles (unless I’m really interested in them) but just skim and look for highlights. That’s probably why I know 84 digits of pi, I watched the top 100 web videos recently, and I love ESPN’s top 10. I don’t really need substance, anything that interests me for a short amount of time is good… that said, I think I’m going to include any random facts that I know or learn just for fun.

There are more Puerto Ricans in New York City than there are in San Juan, the capitol of Puerto Rico.

I have come to realize (through an assignment I was asked to do recently, coupled with some T.V. I have been watching) that nobody really wants equality, rather nobody wants real equality. Not only does it suppress our problems, but it acts against diversity, democracy, and the ideals of individuality. People aren’t meant to be treated as equals, if they were, every human would be created exactly the same. There is a reason men don’t file sexual harassment claims against other men (they don’t file them against women either, but that’s a completely different story) it’s because most men (I think, I’m not actually sure if this is proven) don’t have sex with other men. Now I’m not saying it’s ok for anybody to walk around and call blacks (those of us with darker skin) n***** (excuse me), but I am saying we shouldn’t ban the classic American novel The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn because they say n*****, or we shouldn’t change the spelling of women to W-O-M-Y-N so that it doesn’t imply that we are simply adding on to the suffix of MAN. That said, I'm not racist or sexist and I'm not trying to say white men are the superior beings on Earth, merely observing that absolute and true equality of all beings is not the solution.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Style and Crackers

I like to have order in my life. I love my paragraphs to be justified (it’s a style of aligning a paper). There is one drawback though… I always felt that when paragraphs are justified, they looked professional, but because I’m in the most basic English class ever created I see a lot of other people’s English papers. Nobody else justifies their paper and it somehow looks like they’ve written more… that’s why right now, nothing is justified.

Another thing that makes me feel great when I’m typing is when I get another line in a paragraph… if you understand what I’m saying… when you’re typing and you’re getting to the end of a line, but you don’t have enough to make another line start and it’s the end of the paragraph it’s just infuriating… that’s why I always bs my way so I can get just one more line in… but I get really pissed off when that line goes to the end too…

One word, it’ll make you hungry, but not hungry, and it will dry your mouth out all at the same time… saltines. They somehow always satisfy my hunger but don’t fill me up. And when did a plain cracker with salt taste so good. But they are second to one. RITZ crackers. There is no better cracker in the world, I’m sure of it.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Tiger Woods

I apologize for the length of this post. Personally, I don't really ever read long things other than books.

One of my friends, Lauren, recently advised me to write about Tiger Woods. I have a lot of different things to say about Tiger Woods. First, since this is a current issue, I’ll discuss how he ran into a fire hydrant. I came home on Friday November 27, 2009 and came in to my living room and noticed that my family was watching something or other on ESPN. I looked at the info bar at the bottom and saw something had happened to Tiger Woods. I continued reading and I came to know he had been in a crash, which peaked my interest because he is my favorite golfer and I’ll explain that later, for now the crash. So I asked my family what happened. They first asked how I knew (I baffled them) but eventually I found out that the story was Tiger crashed his car, his wife came out, saw what happened, went back into the house to get a golf club, smashed the back window and dragged him out. My dad had a different series of events… he said (in different words) there was an altercation in the abode so Tiger began to drive off in his automobile, his wife followed after him smashing the back window with his clubs which distracted him causing him to crash into a fire hydrant. I think my dad should be a detective. But seriously, celebrities get too much crap. So what if Tiger crashed into a fire hydrant. Are you trying to say you’ve never gotten into an argument with your wife that caused her to start swinging golf clubs at you while you were trying to drive away, so she didn’t seriously injure you, breaking the back window of your car which distracted you and caused you to crash into a fire hydrant? Has that never happened to you?

Just like I promised, I’ll tell you why I like Tiger Woods and I’m not a fair weather fan. While I was growing up, I watched a little golf here and there. I truly believe golf has the greatest difference in enjoyment between actually playing and watching on tv. It’s so much better on tv. The reason I began to watch it was my grandfather. I would say golf was one of his favorite sports. He created the Bobby Jones Open (in appreciation of the only golfer to get the grand slam, Robert Tyre Jones) which is a tournament for charity in which only golfers named “Bobby Jones” can play. He also watched golf (as previously stated). One of my grandpa’s favorite golfers was Tiger Woods, before he was good. I remember watching Tiger win his first Masters and becoming the youngest player to do so. Now, my grandpa was somewhat of a strict man, so I looked for any way I could for him to like me more. What Papa? Your favorite golfer is Tiger Woods? Me too! That’s so weird. I also happen to root for the same things my family roots for (I generally have a greater inclination to see people that I know enjoying themselves rather than random sports teams that I don’t know one person of). It’s weird how these things work out.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Technology

Since the first part of this is spontaneous, and due to recent events, I'll add another part that I would have written if I had been able to write anything on November 29, 2009.

I’d like to write an ode to hating technology. I’d like to, but I’m not a good writer. Instead I’ll just write that I hate technology. It sucks. I’ve been trying to get on the for a couple days and it hasn’t been working… it obviously works now, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to write this post but nonetheless… I’m not happy. It will be the death of us all (eventually). At this point I’d like to make a shout out to my cousins Eric and Bob. It was Bob’s wedding and he gave his groomsmen really cool watches. The watch needs to be wound, and as Eric pointed out that this means it will still work a couple thousand years from now… when all other technology is busted. That’s good to know, at least when all the world’s technology is destroyed, I can still tell time.

This is what I would have written:

Now that we’ve gotten off the subject of the style of my absolute work of art that you’re reading, or skimming, we come to the substance… get excited. But before I actually get there, I have to point out that I’m not so good with transitions so… I get excited by the dumbest things ever. I was walking home from crew practice today and I had five water bottles full of PowerAde. I was so excited. It made me forget that I don’t really have any friends or people to talk to at Wisconsin. I was so distracted by the fact that I had PowerAde that I forgot I have absolutely no life.