Annoyances and Conspiracy Theories

I have begun to do a lot of really stupid things that just annoy the crap out of me (which makes me scared to think how much they could annoy other people). For one thing, I sometimes copy hand motions of other people when I think the hand motions are cool. That said, I think I picked this up all on my own (I didn’t see anybody doing it before me): I wave my hands around a lot when telling stories (and perhaps talking in general), but whenever I do, my fingers are always in really odd positions. I think it’s really weird and odd looking, but I can’t stop. I have also begun to realize that I’m a one-upper. It’s a kind of human being that whenever they hear about somebody else, they say something that’s one better (oh your kid was the second best swimmer in the state, well my kid is the best runner in the state and the smartest one to boot). As much as I would wish against it, whenever somebody talks, I always find myself thinking about something that I did that’s better than them… I might not always say it, but I’m usually thinking it. Last, my stories always take a really long time to tell… I think it might be because people interrupt me, which is why recently, when I’m being interrupted, I start to tell people to be quiet because I’m telling a story. I wish I could stop because whatever you’re saying is more important than what I’m saying… I guarantee it.

I’m beginning to think that the world is conspiring against me. It would be kind of like The Truman Show only instead of a show where everything in a man’s life is controlled for TV, it would be controlled to make his life worse. For example, sometimes when I don’t hear from my friends for extended periods of time, I think maybe one person in the group told everybody else not to talk to me, or people at Wisconsin are avoiding me on purpose so that I won’t make any friends. (Warning: I might be compliment fishing, I’m not sure. You don’t need to call me and tell me how great I am (I don’t want you to lie) and I realize that these thoughts are completely ridiculous. However, if any part of this is true, please call me and tell me so).