The Sound of Minivans

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Let me take some time to tell you about the sound of a minivan. Before I get to that, while we’re on the topic of minivans, I’m kind of angry at the people that make minivans. They only just made the minivan with the seats that turn around and the table in the middle for fun and activities and things, and I never got that as a kid and it would have made everything way better. My family went on a lot of trips when I was a kid, and they were pretty much awesome every time we arrived. The part that sucked was the driving. Four kids in close quarters for four hours is not fun, especially if you can’t use your gameboy. I think there was actually a period of three or four consecutive years where every trip there was at least one argument between us. Sometimes the fights would last all car ride. It was a logistical nightmare for my parents to place us in the most strategic way so that we wouldn’t argue. As we got older it got to be a little easier, and eventually we just got basically permanent seats, so now Ryan and I sit in the back, Erin and Caitlin in the middle, parents up front, subject to change based on who’s driving. So for quite some time I have been sitting in the back seat of the van when we go on car rides, but I know what it is like to sit anywhere. Now here’s the point: there is a variable sound system in our van. When you sit in the front, it is perfect. When you sit in the middle it’s a little messed around. When you sit in the back seat of a van, the music BLASTS into your ears at twice the volume of any other seat in the car. The people that made this system are really really stupid. I can only imagine their motivation was “let’s make it nice for the people in the front, people sit there most often” but then they forgot, almost nobody buys a van if it’s only one or two people. In fact I would guess a lot of people buy vans for bigger families, that’s who van companies market to. This leads me to believe they make the van and they know it’s too loud but they just think screw the back seat, people that sit there are probably everybody’s least favorite anyway. Luckily that’s not the case in my family, so we always have to fade forward. Then the people in the middle can’t hear anything. Whoever made turn signals is awesome; whoever made the sound system should have to sit in the back seat with full volume all the time.